Four years ago today I released my second album. I feel a bit sad that this album didn't get the attention it deserved. I felt to lay this album down at the beginning of 2020 and then as we are all well aware the entire world shut down. It's all been quite the whirlwind since. At the end of 2020, I quit my banking job of 18 years to go become an Optician.The hours were much shorter there, freeing up my weekends if I decided to pursue singing adventures again. They kindly welcomed me, and I truly enjoyed learning in that field. This was another step in confirming my passion for empowering women. I saw many women feeling uncomfortable looking at themselves in the mirror while trying on glasses, and I loved encouraging them. During that time, I completed my Life Coaching certification and embarked on a new journey in Life Coaching. I left my optician job in January 2022, and shortly after, I received a call about a temporary opportunity at the bank to help handle phone calls for their new online banking system. To make a long story short, I stayed for a year as a part-time teller. It was familiar since I spent almost two decades there and built many relationships. I truly missed the community, so returning was nice, but I couldn't handle all the stress again. I quit that in the fall of 2023 to focus on Life Coaching and finishing getting my license in pastoral counseling. I also took a trip to IHOPKC in the fall with a van full of some of my favorites from the church I attend. If you want to know my full experience with this House of Prayer I can do a blog about it but I will shorten it for this blog since it's not the true focus. Little did I know shortly after our trip there would be public news of a scandal and investigation within the leadership there at ihopkc. It was devastating to say the least. I had so many questions. Also during the fall of 2023, my mother-in-law also had a fall and was admitted to a nursing home. As 2024 approached, I was eager for a fresh start. Sadly, more challenges arose when my mother-in-law passed away. However, I am thankful I wasn't tied to a 9-5 job, which gave me the flexibility to visit her in the nursing home and assist my father-in-law when he had other appointments and couldn't make it to the home at his usual time. Approximately a month following the funeral, my childhood best friend faced an incredibly devastating and traumatic event. Her husband was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma, and while he was in the hospital, I was dealing with a job offer I had received from a competitor of the local bank I had worked for. This job offer was amazing—almost too good to be true, in my opinion. This was an incredibly emotional time. Although this job was amazing, I had a persistent feeling that I should decline it. Financially, it didn't make much sense to turn it down, but I just couldn't bring myself to accept it. Unbeknownst to me, the week I would have started was the same week as my friend's husband's funeral. While I'm sure they would have accommodated me, I'm thankful I didn't take the job because a few months later, I was available to accompany another dear friend to her appointments. She was diagnosed with lung cancer, and I'm so grateful I can be there for her now. I just took her to a radiation appointment today, and she is doing remarkably well. She is incredibly strong and brave! When I take her to her appointments I feel drenched in oil that's the only way to describe it. It's as if it's directly from Psalm 23—He anoints our head with oil. These days, I feel so purposeful, as though the Lord has arranged everything.
Amidst all of this, there were other personal things that went on that maybe some day I will feel released to talk about. My daily prayer lately has been out of Psalm 139- search my heart Oh God and show me any wicked ways within me. No matter what it's our responsibility to deal with our own junk. What's interesting is Psalm 24 was spoken over this year, and I truly feel that the Lord has shaken away so much within me not pleasing to Him. Our church focused heavily on idolatry this year. I don't know about you, but I aspire to stand in His Holy place with clean hands and a pure heart. I've undergone significant purification this year. Living a surrendered life is not for the faint-hearted. I recognize that I am nothing without God and am incredibly grateful for the precious gift of His spirit. For me, having His spirit is more important than anything else.
Now let's return to the topic of music. It's been a two year whirlwind and I will say I feel like I'm finally rising above the chaos yet I really have no idea what the future holds for me as an Independent Artist, but I can assure you that I'm still involved with my church's worship team and remain a part of the House of Prayer we have there. I still write songs and have had a few on the back burner for a while. Wait, I didn't mention that I took a break from coaching did I? I was a wreck emotionally and just couldn't pour into my clients from an empty cup. I needed to walk through emotional healing of my own. My client's hearts are precious to me and I take coaching them very seriously. I couldn't allow myself to keep pushing through just to build my business. I had to take yet another step back and I'm thankful I did. I'm now gradually getting back into coaching and am working on motivating myself to complete my pastoral counseling license. Additionally, I've been searching for a part-time job because, surprisingly, I miss working in customer service. With all of that said I absolutely refuse to rush into anything. I just won't. I want to be strategic and completely led of the Lord in my decisions. I honestly do feel Jesus is coming back very soon. (my very soon and His very soon are definitly not the same). If I felt God tell me to shut down social media completely and just go get a 9-5 I would do it. I'm not wrapped up in the "what is my calling" question anymore. I just want to be surrendered and full of His love and power.
If we don't have love we are but a noisy gong. We can look the part all cleaned up on the outside but if our heart is evil it's only for our own glory.
The way through? It's Jesus- He is the only way but He is very much about community and putting people in our path to lead us to Him. Will I get it right every time?
Nope.
but I keep pressing on because I can't wait for the day I get to physically hug my savior yet how exciting that we get to celebrate Him here on earth with eachother!?
Go enjoy some free music
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